came and gone. Soon Christmas will be here. I had to dinners and totally overate, but it was good. I'm getting back on track today and even worked out.
Dinner at my house yesterday was good. We made to Hungry Girl dishes, a stuffing and a bean casserole. Because I'm a vegetarian, I don't eat turkey or the stuffing out of the turkey. I made the bean casserole before (Rockin Lean Bean Casserole book 1); this time I added broccoli and I forgot the water chestnuts, but it was fantastic. Everyone liked it. Even mom and dad who don't really like my healthy food because there's not a lot of flavor. Tons of flavor in the bean casserole.
The stuffing however was my favorite. I'm not usually a big fan of stuffing, but my oh my, it was delicious. I definitely will be making it again. It was in book one.
Who says holiday food has to be unhealthy? I had some potatoes, stuffing, casserole, and salad. Pumpkin pie for dessert, but no way am I given up my pumpkin pie. It's my favorite. :P
Christmas will be here soon and I know I can make our dinner healthy. I love the Hungry Girl cookbooks. So many great ideas. And you can always change them to make it things you like.
Today, I had a healthy breakfast and lunch. My supper wasn't too bad, but I put too much cheese on my gnocchi. Cheese is definitely my downfall. I will have some pumpkin pie soon though. I should definitely measure my cheese. I do over eat it. I love cheese though.
Anyway, I got up when my alarm went off...called work and instead of going back to bed, I did a quick workout. :D Getting back on track! Go me!!!
K
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Trying Not to Eat...
As mentioned before...I am an emotional eater. I eat when I'm sad, mad, happy, etc.
Right now...I'm so frustrated and I don't know what to do. I feel helpless and useless when I can't help. And then I feel like I can't offer anything. I also feel pushed away. I know I can't help and there's nothing I can do, but just being there can help. It brings up questions in my mind that I'm afraid to ask. It frustrates me knowing I can't help someone I love. And feeling like sometimes I'm being pushed away...
...But, the thing is...I can't always help those I love...and I have to be there when they need me and back off when they don't...As frustrating as it is for me...I know it is even more frustrating for them. I want them to know that I'm not going anywhere...I'm here for the long haul and I have no regrets about it.
My bf has some health issues and is going through a really tough time right now. He can't sleep and it makes everything worse when you can't sleep. It's tough on him. And I can't help him sleep. I don't know what I can do. I want him to be healthy and get better, but I don't know what else he can do. He's tried everything and nothing is working. I'm useless and helpless. And if I feel that way about myself...he will see that about me too. :S I'm scared for him and what it is doing to him. He says that I'm young and should be able to live my life and not have to take care of him. But, I love him and to quote Kelly Clarkson..."my life would suck without you." I want him in my life and you just don't give up on people you love. My life is with him. I gave up a lot to be with him...and giving up even more when we finally move...And...I don't regret any of that and I won't. Because when it comes down to it, I'm happy. I'm happy with him, even when I get cranked at because he's tired and not sleeping. I just wish there was something I could do...I know he loves me. He'll kiss me as I'm falling asleep just to tell me that and tell me I'm beautiful. I just wish he would realize that he doesn't have to do everything on his own...
**I never needed anyone to make me happy and still don't. I'm perfectly happy on my own too. I'm a firm believer that if I can't be happy on my own, I can't be happy with anyone. But, he makes me happy too and I love him for it.**
Unfortunately for me though...all these feelings tend to make me eat. I have no idea why we turn to food for comfort when we are feeling down...but we do. Food is always around us...and I reach for it when I'm stressed, sick, sad, frustrated, mad, and sometimes even happy. When I overeat, especially with unhealthy stuff, I feel worse. I feel healthy when I eat right and exercise. But when I don't, I feel worse about myself and things in general...that I reach for it again...
Why do we do that?
K
Right now...I'm so frustrated and I don't know what to do. I feel helpless and useless when I can't help. And then I feel like I can't offer anything. I also feel pushed away. I know I can't help and there's nothing I can do, but just being there can help. It brings up questions in my mind that I'm afraid to ask. It frustrates me knowing I can't help someone I love. And feeling like sometimes I'm being pushed away...
...But, the thing is...I can't always help those I love...and I have to be there when they need me and back off when they don't...As frustrating as it is for me...I know it is even more frustrating for them. I want them to know that I'm not going anywhere...I'm here for the long haul and I have no regrets about it.
My bf has some health issues and is going through a really tough time right now. He can't sleep and it makes everything worse when you can't sleep. It's tough on him. And I can't help him sleep. I don't know what I can do. I want him to be healthy and get better, but I don't know what else he can do. He's tried everything and nothing is working. I'm useless and helpless. And if I feel that way about myself...he will see that about me too. :S I'm scared for him and what it is doing to him. He says that I'm young and should be able to live my life and not have to take care of him. But, I love him and to quote Kelly Clarkson..."my life would suck without you." I want him in my life and you just don't give up on people you love. My life is with him. I gave up a lot to be with him...and giving up even more when we finally move...And...I don't regret any of that and I won't. Because when it comes down to it, I'm happy. I'm happy with him, even when I get cranked at because he's tired and not sleeping. I just wish there was something I could do...I know he loves me. He'll kiss me as I'm falling asleep just to tell me that and tell me I'm beautiful. I just wish he would realize that he doesn't have to do everything on his own...
**I never needed anyone to make me happy and still don't. I'm perfectly happy on my own too. I'm a firm believer that if I can't be happy on my own, I can't be happy with anyone. But, he makes me happy too and I love him for it.**
Unfortunately for me though...all these feelings tend to make me eat. I have no idea why we turn to food for comfort when we are feeling down...but we do. Food is always around us...and I reach for it when I'm stressed, sick, sad, frustrated, mad, and sometimes even happy. When I overeat, especially with unhealthy stuff, I feel worse. I feel healthy when I eat right and exercise. But when I don't, I feel worse about myself and things in general...that I reach for it again...
Why do we do that?
K
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Feeling Down
I overate again today. Ended up having to work longer than expected, so I didn't bring my lunch because I was suppose to work till 5.
I know how good I feel when I eat healthy, but why can't I get back on track...and the truth of it all is that I don't feel happy. I'm at a loss. I'm not where I want to be. I was suppose to move and couldn't because of some medical reasons, which makes my bf unhappy because he doesn't want to be here. Work is getting me stressed out. I'm not getting any calls for subbing. I'm bored because there isn't much to do and what there is to do around here is expensive so I'm not saving any money. My best friend is gone on her honeymoon, so I'm kinda bored when she's gone. I want to do this. I worked hard to get where I am. But.............I just feel like I'm not enough...Am I enough? I have to be enough...I should be enough...but am I?
I don't just mean enough for me. Am I enough for my family and friends? I know I'm not concentrating much on myself right now...I want to be enough for me and my friends and family. I know they'll love me no matter what...but that's not what I mean...
I don't really know :S
I know how good I feel when I eat healthy, but why can't I get back on track...and the truth of it all is that I don't feel happy. I'm at a loss. I'm not where I want to be. I was suppose to move and couldn't because of some medical reasons, which makes my bf unhappy because he doesn't want to be here. Work is getting me stressed out. I'm not getting any calls for subbing. I'm bored because there isn't much to do and what there is to do around here is expensive so I'm not saving any money. My best friend is gone on her honeymoon, so I'm kinda bored when she's gone. I want to do this. I worked hard to get where I am. But.............I just feel like I'm not enough...Am I enough? I have to be enough...I should be enough...but am I?
I don't just mean enough for me. Am I enough for my family and friends? I know I'm not concentrating much on myself right now...I want to be enough for me and my friends and family. I know they'll love me no matter what...but that's not what I mean...
I don't really know :S
Monday, October 5, 2009
Chuga Chuga
I'm slowly, but surely getting back on track. I overate a bit today, but not horribly. I didn't exercise either, but I will tomorrow.
I ran into a neighbor who said how wonderful I look and that I'm doing great at keeping the weight off. I told her it is really hard and I've been having a tough time lately. She said that she wishes her daughter would do something to lose the weight. I was really kind of embarrassed that she would say that and kind of feel sorry for her daughter. Yes, we all wish our family members could be thin and healthy, but her daughter has to do it for herself, not because her mother keeps at her. If anything she's going to be more likely to overeat because her mother sees her as fat. I think it is kind of shameful.
I've had these talks with my mom or my b/f. My mom just wants me to be healthy and knows I've struggled with weight all my life and I was bullied because of it, but she never ragged me on it. My b/f knew me when I was heavy, but we didn't start dating until I lost some weight. But it wasn't because I was starting to lose weight that we started dating. He never comments on what I eat, except for the fact that he sometimes thinks there is not enough of it or that I'm a vegetarian. My entire family is supportive.
Though I do wonder sometimes that if I gain the weight back...how would my life change from what it is now?
I ran into a neighbor who said how wonderful I look and that I'm doing great at keeping the weight off. I told her it is really hard and I've been having a tough time lately. She said that she wishes her daughter would do something to lose the weight. I was really kind of embarrassed that she would say that and kind of feel sorry for her daughter. Yes, we all wish our family members could be thin and healthy, but her daughter has to do it for herself, not because her mother keeps at her. If anything she's going to be more likely to overeat because her mother sees her as fat. I think it is kind of shameful.
I've had these talks with my mom or my b/f. My mom just wants me to be healthy and knows I've struggled with weight all my life and I was bullied because of it, but she never ragged me on it. My b/f knew me when I was heavy, but we didn't start dating until I lost some weight. But it wasn't because I was starting to lose weight that we started dating. He never comments on what I eat, except for the fact that he sometimes thinks there is not enough of it or that I'm a vegetarian. My entire family is supportive.
Though I do wonder sometimes that if I gain the weight back...how would my life change from what it is now?
Friday, October 2, 2009
Argh!
I need to find my motivation.
Why was I motivated before? And how come I'm not motivated now? I keep eating and not working out.
Why did I want to lose weight?
Because I wanted to be healthier.
I hated being the fat girl.
I wanted to be able to wear great clothes.
And I feel great when I eat healthy...but right now, I don't feel healthy because I'm not eating right. I feel like the fat girl and if I keep this up...my great clothes will be poof!
So I have to get back to that...I have to remember what made me eat healthy in the first place...maybe time to look back at some pictures...
How do I get my motivation back?
K
Why was I motivated before? And how come I'm not motivated now? I keep eating and not working out.
Why did I want to lose weight?
Because I wanted to be healthier.
I hated being the fat girl.
I wanted to be able to wear great clothes.
And I feel great when I eat healthy...but right now, I don't feel healthy because I'm not eating right. I feel like the fat girl and if I keep this up...my great clothes will be poof!
So I have to get back to that...I have to remember what made me eat healthy in the first place...maybe time to look back at some pictures...
How do I get my motivation back?
K
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