Marriage

Marriage has been coming up lately. Everywhere I look...marriage...weddings...engagements... babies. It's all coming up.

I used to want to get married. Then I started getting older and was thinking maybe I won't get married. I didn't really want to do the whole planning thing. Seemed like a lot of trouble. More than it's worth. It started when my sisters got married. Trying to please everyone. Then I found that guy. The guy I want to be with. I never needed a boyfriend. Always was fine by myself. But, I do like having someone in my life too.

So, that being said...why do I not want to get married? I've been doing a lot of thinking about this and it kind of escalated when my best friend got married. I decided then I didn't want to. It was really stressful for me. But then...thinking more and more about it...and my best friend pretty much planning my wedding. The reason why I don't want to get married is I don't want to get divorced. It's a bit less messy if I change my mind about being with my boyfriend than if I marry him and have to get divorced. That and I don't want someone to feel like they are stuck with me. Which is why I don't want to have kids. I don't want someone to feel like they have to stay with me because of the kids.

A lot of people get divorced and I don't want to be one of them. If I get married, I want to do it for love, not because it's time or it's the next step. I want to get married for love. Not because of the legal benefits. That's not romantic. That's just...I don't know...just totally unromantic.

I don't mind being called "wife". In fact, my boyfriend calls me that sometimes. I really don't mind...Kinda like being called his wife...but I don't know if I want that whole paper thing. Why do I need to spend crap loads of money for a wedding when he already calls me his wife and treats me with nothing but love? Would making it official change everything? And again...spending all that money for a divorce in the end? Plus, I'm an atheist, so it wouldn't be in a church.

Anyway...this has been on my mind a lot lately. It seems like everyone around me is getting married and having kids...Part of me feels like, I'll never have that, but then it's because I don't want it. I need to get out of here for a while me thinks and get a few more grown up friends. Get around people where I do feel so lost and out of place. People expect me to get married here...maybe elsewhere they won't. It won't be such a bad thing not to get married. Here's it just like everyone expects me too and I'm afraid that it'll just end bad. I'm not religious...I don't have benefits or anything. But I will eventually...what reasons are there to get married? Yes you can celebrate your love...but do you need a wedding to do that?