Meal Planning

I have a hard time meal planning. And moving in with the bf, I want to start planning suppers. I'm not used to making suppers. I mostly have like a veggie burger and maybe something else or pasta. But I can't eat them all the time, and he's not a vegetarian. So I'm going to try and start planning my supper when I can. If I'm having pasta, I should have salad or vegetables with it. But I need good meals, something that I can make vegetarian for me and meat for him. It'll be a lot better for me. It's so hard to meal plan. I change my mind all the time. And I have to start making supper at a time when I'm not hungry so when it's ready I'll be hungry. I want food when I want it and I want it when I want it. People plan meals and have a main dish, a salad, and vegetables or a starch. How do I plan? How do I start?

Mac and Cheese - homemade of course with a side
Chili with a side
Cauliflower Casserole with a side
Soup and Salad with Quinoa and tofu or rice and tofu
Rice and veggies

There's a good start...

Biggest Loser

This season's Biggest Loser is interesting. Forgive me I don't know names. I just want to talk about the Green and Red Team. A little bit about the White Team. First...the White Team. How DARE the Red Team tell Michael (White Team) that he isn't working hard enough!?!?! The Red Team girl lost NO WEIGHT the last two weeks, who is not losing weight?! Michael is big and yes, big numbers expected. But he's losing. You can't drop weight and expect it to stay off if you do it fast. If he loses a lot of weight and does it fast, he's going to need skin removal surgery right away. He is working hard. He's doing great and he's doing it with a smile. Unlike the Red Team who is doing it for the money. Don't say you are trying and working hard and only dropping 1 lb or gaining 1. Don't get mad at Jillian and Bob for calling you out on it. And for Jillian who won't bow down to you. Why did you lose a big number this week? It's because you knew people were catching on...hmmm...if something was wrong with you, you wouldn't have dropped 11 lbs this week. Get over! You are a liar! Don't get mad at Jillian and Bob for calling you out. At this point in the game, it shouldn't be about game play, it should be about get healthy and saving your life. If it's about the money, you are going to gain the weight back when you leave. Have fun with it!

Green Team...I hide my emotions too. I do. But you have to let them out. Don't blow up...but holding them in isn't going to help either. You will never lose weight if you don't deal what's going on. Otherwise, it's going to come back on. And I saw that when they did the where are they now. She gained weight again when she first got home, but now she's back in the game. I know I'm not motivated right now, but I'm trying. And I'm writing and I'm talking to friends about it. you have to talk or write and deal with your feelings. I learned that the hard way. I still have problems with it, but I'm trying. I'll keep trying. It's like losing weight. You don't just lose the weight and that's the end. It's a lifestyle. It's an ongoing learning experience. If you don't find out why you gained weight in the first place and deal with that, then you are always going to be heavy!

Beliefs

I am an Atheist. I don't advertise it. I don't argue with people who believe in God. But when do I tell people I don't believe in God? If someone brings something up about God, should I say I don't believe? Or just let it go. I don't care if you believe in God, but don't push it on me. I don't believe in God because there is no evidence. I don't have any concrete proof. The Bible is not proof. It wasn't written by God, it wasn't written by Jesus. If that was the case I can say that Harry Potter is real and there's a place called Hogwarts. You can't disprove it. But I don't fight people's beliefs unless they are trying to push their beliefs on me. To each his own is what I say. But don't let it stop people finding cures for diseases because you think God is going to cure you and everyone else. I am not immoral because I don't believe in God. In fact, I'm a good person. I have a good life. I don't steal, cheat, or kill. I'm a good person. Don't think otherwise just because I don't believe in God. You can believe in God, but I don't have too. There is many other religions, many other thought processes, mine is different and that's okay.

So when do I tell people I'm an Atheist? If someone says, God Bless or whatever, should I say something? Or is it like someone saying Happy Chaunakah to me? I don't insulted at all. I'm not Jewish, but I say Happy Chaunakah right back. Which is why I never understood the not allowed to say Merry Christmas.

So I don't believe in God...but I feel like sometimes if I don't tell people, well I don't mean advertise it because I don't push my thoughts on other people as long as they don't push theirs on me, I'm not being myself...

Letting Go

Letting go is an issue for me. I hold on to things. Feelings, thoughts, possessions. You name it, I hold on to it. I tried letting go of certain things in my past...but I seem to not be able too. One in particular is friends. Some friends got mad when I was planning on moving with the bf before the health issues happened. So things are a little awkward now. One is home from away and hasn't messaged me or let me know that he is home or to hang out. And he hasn't the last few times. Yet, it will be my fault if we don't hang out. Me and my other best friend have been asking the other best friend to go to Zumba with us. And she goes, but she doesn't ask me to hang out other times. But yet, it'll still be my fault. I just don't have much fun with these friends anymore. We don't have much in common. I want to do different things and all I feel is like they are judging me. Who I am going out with? Where I want to live? It doesn't matter. I am happy. Who cares as long as I am happy! Which is why I love hanging out with the previous mentioned best friend because we have so much fun together and can go on adventures and have good times. Just us or double dating. It's fun either way, but I don't have fun with my old friends. Me and the bff having been talking about how we can get the other one out more because she doesn't have many friends besides me, which is why I feel like I'm the bitch for letting them go. Dunno...we don't even talk. We have nothing to talk about. Nothing. **shrugs** It's the same things over and over again. I need more in my life...and I think moving is going to be good for me. I can't wait for that. It'll give me a chance to let go and see them on my own terms. I don't want to cut off all contact, but I don't want it to be my fault either. And I know they are all going to blame me. That's what I don't like. They don't take responsibility for anything. I am to blame for some of it, but not all of it. At least I can do that. They can't.

Because of this I feel like it's affecting my eating and exercising. I'm not motivated because I'm not happy. I'm not happy with being here or with certain things or people. Because I'm not happy and feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard place. Until I'm less stressed and more happy...my motivation is going to wane... **sigh** letting go is so hard.

Zumba!

I've been trying Zumba lately. I haven't really had the motivation to work out, but Zumba is so much fun and being able to let loose. It's a Latin Dance type class, but high intensity. I give er. You learn a few new moves for the dance floor. You have a great time. The teachers are great! They have a lot of energy. I am so exhausted afterwards. But a good exhausted. I do Zumba twice a week and this week, going to start 3 days a week. Tomorrow is a Zumba Circuit, which is done with weights. If regular Zumba is that tough, I can't wait to see what tomorrow is going to bring. But now I got to get in my meal planning and eating right. But if you have a chance to try Zumba do it. It's mostly girls at the class I go to, so if you are self conscious, it's a good class to try because not a lot of guys do it. A couple of guys I know tried it (a different class) and their nicks are like Zumba was an hour wasted of my life. First off, I think these guys think it's probably a sissy thing. But it's not. It's dancing. Why do some guys think dancing is sissy? My bf isn't like that all. Dancing is a great work out and if you do it right, it can help with posture, flexibility, balance. You name it. I do wonder if they gave it an honest shot. I totally recommend Zumba to people who want a good work out and to let loose a little. Try it!!

New Posts!

I'm going to write a few new posts. This is the first of a few. Just to update what's going on with me is the first one. Zumba, Letting Go, Beliefs, Biggest Loser, and Meal Planning are coming up in separate posts.

So what's be going on with me. I need to get motivated. I have no motivation to do anything. I'm in such a rut. I don't like being where I am. I want to move and I am moving soon. And I can't wait to leave. Be with like minded people, go on adventures, do theatre, film, and teach more. I can't wait to live with my boyfriend. I am kind of nervous too because I never lived with a boyfriend before. After living together, is he going to think we're not compatible. And not like living with me. There's also part of that coming up in Meal Planning. I can't wait to live with him, but I'm incredibly nervous at the same time. I'm not the easiest person to live with, so is it going to work out or isn't?

I'm in the process of switching school boards and planning a trip to get the bf's stuff. I'm excited for that. Get to explore a city I never really been before, except the train station. There's tons of things I want to do.

What else?? I'm just feeling in a rut lately and like I don't want the same things as my friends. With the exception of one, no one is really adventurous. I will talk more about that in Letting Go I guess. But I'm tired of being here and I can't wait to move and can't wait to live with the bf. I feel like I'm growing up and ready for this. It's going to be great and I'm so excited for this new chapter of my life.

On to post number two!

Finally...

updating.

So here we go. How did Christmas go? Well...it went. Christmas itself, I didn't over eat too much. But it was the after math. I ate all the left overs. I didn't work out much and just ate. Disappointing. I didn't get weighed in yet. I will get weighed in on Saturday. I over ate a little bit today, but tracked it all and moving on.

I'm an emotional eater. I'm stressed out with work. I'm in a bit of a rut. I feel stuck and just want to get out of here and start my life. My bf and I are planning on moving in a couple of months. Hopefully it'll pan out this time and we can start our life.

One reason why I feel kind of in a rut is because a lot of my friends are getting engaged, married, and/or having babies. I don't know if I want that. I used to. Well, babies I was always iffy on. But I feel like it's weird that I don't want that or not sure. I'm not content to just stay in one spot and live on welfare or unemployment. I want to experience things. The bf and I have talked about marriage and he knows right now I'm anti-marriage because of the stress of my best friend's wedding. But...when I think about marrying him...and when he had his arms around me and called me his wife, it felt right. But do we really need to have a wedding to be together? We'll be living together. Paying bills and rent together...so like I don't get it. Why the need for everyone to get married? At the same time, I think it's romantic. I'd want it to be somewhere quiet and a few people or just witnesses. I don't know...I've been thinking about it a lot lately because a lot of my friends are doing it. **shrugs** what happens, happens. I live my life for me. And I can't worry about what other people are doing. If me and my bf decide to get married, it'll be for us...not because we feel we have too.

But, for what this blog is really about. I'm knuckling down. Have to continue to work out. I'm not enjoying it really. I'm doing it because I have too. I can't wait for the river to freeze over and then I can go skating. I wish the pool was open at the Y, I would swim. I just need to find a love for working out. I enjoyed it before. Now it's just to find that love again. It's a vicious cycle. I'm in a rut and not motivated...until I find a way out of this rut...I'm going to have trouble working out and eating right. But, I will do it. I can and will.