Struggling

I'm struggling a bit. Work has been driving me crazy. My ceiling fell down. My grandpa passed away. It's been stressful. I'm trying to get back on track. Back to working out and moving. I'm finally getting my room in order. Threw out a lot of stuff I didn't need. Getting ready for Christmas. Going to clean the living room and if I can the bathroom tomorrow. Going to start working out and eating right again! Going to get weighed in on Saturday. So I'm going to work hard. Going to do some yoga and maybe a walk.

Starting to get ready for Christmas. Going to go Christmas shopping with the bf when I get paid this week. :) Things with the bf are going great. He's doing a lot better. I'm so happy with him. He's my love and I'm so relieved that he's doing better. Makes me smile and laugh at a drop of a hat, even when I'm feeling my worse. I can't stop smiling today for some reason :P

Yay!

Missed my ww meeting. But thats okay, wasn't going to get weighed in anyway. Been on track for the last while. Hopefully I stay that way. Can't wait for Christmas, but I'm nervous too. All the food, but I'm starting to plan the menu. I want to stick to it. At least make some healthy stuff and if I snack on that I'm set. I'm going to work hard working out that week and save my wp for Christmas Eve and Day. :D It's going to work. Think positive. So what are my trials going to be...Christmas Eve...barbeque. Veggie burger...light bun or WW bun. Salad. Veggies and healthy dip. Healthy desserts. Few problems...chips. I like them, but while snack mindlessly on them. If have to buy chips, only buy one bag...not three. Light dips. Nuts...okay, least it's a healthy thing. I can overeat, but they are not shelled so I have to shell them...takes more time, eat less. Candy and chocolate. Hard not to avoid that one...I love chocolate...Quality Street and Lindor...yum...so...maybe...don't open till Christmas Eve?? Starting to formulate the plan...I want to stick to it...And I hope I will. Stratch that...I will stick to it!!

K

Comfort

I've been thinking a lot lately what comforts us. This is kind of controversial, I guess. I don't have a religion. I don't believe in organized religion, God, and really any of that. I am a good person. I don't steal. I don't kill. I don't cheat. It doesn't take me having religion to see that. I don't want to be bombarded with you should be religious and believe in God. I don't want to be judged because I don't believe and I won't judge those who believe. Many of my friends are religious. But, the point of this post is comfort. I know a lot of people have religion and it comforts them. They turn to religion when they have problems, whether it be weight loss, disease, family problems, etc. My boyfriend has MS and is an atheist. Religion doesn't comfort him.

Now I stopped believing a long time ago. And I got to thinking about where I go for comfort. The first answer was obvious. Family and friends. They always comfort me. But then I got to thinking...and I didn't want to admit it even though I say all the time I'm an emotional eater. But FOOD. Food comforts me. When I'm upset or stressed, I want to eat. I like to bake and it comforts me when I bake. I was always a fat kid and used food. Food never says no and food is always your friend. Food is always there for you. So, it got me thinking...how do I switch that? Like I said people go to religion for comfort. But, that's not for me. So where can I go for comfort instead of food?

I like to read and I get lost when I read. But...it's still not the same. Where do we go for comfort when we don't want food as comfort? I love food and I love good food. Maybe I don't have to give up completely food for comfort, but change the way I think about it...I don't know...

My Story

I was always the fat kid. I was picked on and bullied because of my weight. I was slapped, kicked, punched pushed, even spit on because of my weight. All that started the dieting since I was 11 years old. When I went away for college, things got worse. I wasn't living in dorms, but I never had time to cook and would buy lots of junk because I could. My sister wanted to join Weight Watchers right after Christmas and wanted someone to go with her for support. I wasn't go to join, but I loved it. Everyone was so supported and I decided to join the next week. I was 238.6 when I got weighed in that first week and following the program to try it out, I lost 8 lbs. I thought the program was easy. I learned how to eat right and what were the right portions. I thought being a vegetarian, following a program would be hard for me. A lot of diets out there say high protein and low carbs and I can't do that. The points program was so easy for me to follow. I was still able to eat what I wanted and lose weight. I couldn't believe I found a program that worked and that I could stick too. It was so easy to follow. It was a long haul, but I finally reached life time in the summer of 2009. It's been tough, but I finally did it. And I'm not looking back!

Trying...

I'm trying really hard not to eat right now. I'm not hungry...just craving...bored and want to eat. I had 3 mini chocolate bars (used one weekly point). I'm planning on having some popcorn later if I still feel like this. I don't want to eat. It is what the wp are for, but I don't want to use them right now.

On another note, I'm starting to plan food for Christmas. I love Christmas. It's always about food, food, food. On Christmas Eve, we have a huge barbeque. And then Christmas Dinner on Christmas Day. So I'm started to plan things that I can have without feeling like I'm depriving myself. My goal is to stay the same for Christmas. But I will allow myself a 2 lbs gain. Nothing more than that. I think my biggest downfall will be the chips and chocolates. Chocolate is always my downfall. Chips aren't so much, but I love having them at Christmas. Maybe if we only get 1 bag instead of 3 this year...

This Week

Wow...did I ever work hard this week! So when I weighed in last week, I was 4.6 lbs over goal. Not a big deal, but big for me. This week, I tracked everything. Worked really hard on getting the Good Health Guidelines in, including oil. And did most days. Can't be perfect 100% of the time. I worked out a lot. Even when I didn't feel like working out, I did it. I worked really hard. And it paid off. Lost 3.4 this week! Go me!

Long Time

I've been a bit mia lately. A lot has been happening. First off... I made some Mac and Cheese yesterday that was in the Sept. - Oct. issue of the Weight Watchers magazine. I made it before and really like it. This time, instead of tomatoes, I added mushrooms. I really like it. It is a little bland, so I might add some more spice or pepper. I also didn't have all the cheese I needed, so that could've been it too. So if I add mushrooms again, I need to make up for flavor. I also made Ooey-Gooey Chocolate Cherry Muffins from Hungry Girl Book 1, page 177. Second time I made them. They are really good. I like warming them up and putting some fat free Cool Whip on them. Anyway, they are really good if you want something chocolate and cakey. Yummy! Packed full of fiber too. :D

So...what has been going on in my life lately...well...my boyfriend was in the hospital for a few days. He has MS and it was taking a toll on his physical and mental health, so he decided to go in. Which of course means I was upset and stressed out, and I ate. And I ate. Not good for my waist line...or my sanity. I worry a lot about him and finally got him to realize that I'm here for him for the long haul. That just because he has MS and his health is up in the air...and yes it is stressful...that I'm going to leave him. He is the guy I want to be with and as long as he wants me in his life, I'll be there. I love him because he makes me happy and makes me laugh. And when he kisses me or puts his arms around me, I still get butterflies. And to me, even if he ends up in a wheelchair, I'm still going to be there.

Anyway, I got weighed in on Saturday...not great. I'm 4 lbs over my goal. I've discovered something. Okay...wait...first, I bought a 3 month journal and a key chain clicker to help me keep track. I'm going to be so anal with it at first because I haven't tracked in awhile, but if I eat it, I'm going to click it right away...and write it down as soon as I get a chance. My boyfriend's mother was like that could drive you crazy. And I know, but the clicker helped when I was eating Halloween candy. Everytime I had one, I clicked it down. It really helped because I could easily be like "did I have four???? no I only had two." and really had like 5. So this way, I know what I ate. And soon, I'll be able to do just write things down at night or when I can. Or if I know what I'm going to have, I can write it down all before.

Which brings me to planning. I can't plan because I don't know where I'm going to be for supper half the time. A lot of times I'm at my boyfriend's. And I'm a vegetarian, so I'm careful with what I eat anyway because if it came into contact with meat, I can get sick. I'm not a vegan, but I don't eat chicken or fish. I eat eggs and drink milk. I don't eat much at his place and I'm sure his parents and him think I'm anoxeric or way too anal about healthy eating. I know my boyfriend thinks I eat like a bird. But, there's two reasons why I don't eat a lot at his house...or others really. The first is I'm so careful what goes into my mouth. Everyone knows I'm a vegetarian and on Weight Watchers, but sometimes using the same spoon to stir a meat free dish and a meat dish will make me sick. Also, I don't want to ask exactly how it was prepared, so I can account for it. Second, I don't want to be a burden and ask for more if I didn't have enough. Even though they are like family to me and I know I can do that. I can go into their fridge and get anything I want, but I don't like doing that. I don't do it at anyone's house, except like my best friend's. And I don't even do it much at her place, usually only for drinks or I bring my own food because she never has vegetarian food. Anyway, back to what I discovered. If I don't eat enough when I'm out and about, I eat way too much when I come home. I knew this before, but it was confirmed yesterday. I ate way too much! And then I was like...screw this, the extra Halloween chocolate is going into the freezer. And I haven't touched it yet. :D So, as much as I hate asking for more, I'm going to have to start eating more there. I can be careful with what I eat there, they always have plenty of vegetables. Because if I don't, it's going to be worse for my weight loss and maintaining.

Anyway, I'm going to go work out. I'm getting back on track. I have to work on asking for help and food. And I can't ignore writing when I'm feeling stressed. So here's to some better times.

K